Draconian EULA IMPORTANT — READ CAREFULLY: This End-User License Agreement ("EULA") is a legal agreement between you (either an individual, single entity, or part thereof) and Paul van der Walt ("Paul") for the website mentioned above, which includes internet pages, linked documents, included images, JavaScripts, and may include associated media, printed materials, and "online" or electronic documentation, or any derivative thereof ("WEBSITE"). By using, accessing, reading, approaching, threatening or opening the website, you agree to be bound (both physically and legally and any variation thereof) by the terms of this EULA. If you do not agree to the terms of this EULA, you are doomed and will be committed to an institute. Well, actually you're doomed anyway... Hmm, never mind. WEBSITE LICENSE The WEBSITE is protected by international copyright laws and treaties, as well as other intellectual property laws and treaties. The WEBSITE is licensed (grudgingly), not sold. 1. GRANT OF LICENSE This EULA grants you the following rights: Website Access License. Paul grants you the right to make and use one concurrent browser connection to the WEBSITE, or as many as you have valid licenses for. You may not make copies of the WEBSITE for backup or archival purposes, for showing to friends, purposes of copyright infringement, as a fulfillment of medicine prescription, as a means to any end other than viewing photos or accessing Paul's FTP, which in my opinion is pretty generous of me. Distribution. Paul grants you a non-exclusive, royalty-free right to reproduce and distribute an unlimited number of copies of the WEBSITE, provided that you: (a) sell your soul to Paul, (b) transfer all the money in all of your, your (spouse || girlfriend || boyfriend || roommate)'s, and all family members' bank accounts to Paul, not including any liabilities such as mortgages or bonds (iban number and bic available on request), (c) ship your computer and hi-fi equipment to Paul within 24 hours of agreeing to this EULA, (d) give yourself up at the nearest police station as an irredeemably evil P2P file-sharer (yes, we know who you are), and (e) distribute and license the use of the WEBSITE to end users only pursuant to Paul's (and if applicable your own) end user license agreement ("SUB-EULA"), remembering that if any legal dispute should ever arise over authenticity, plausibility, lawfulness or grammatical quality of the EULA that [explicit: only] Paul’s EULA is binding; (f) agree to indemnify, hold harmless, and defend Paul from and against any claims or lawsuits, including attorney's fees, that arise or result from the use or distribution of this WEBSITE or links thereto, and any other lawsuits or claims of any other nature that may arise in the future or past, whether or not they have anything to do with this WEBSITE (in other words, you're agreeing to serve as my legal scapegoat for the rest of my life. Muhahaha...); (g) otherwise comply with the terms of this EULA; and (h) agree that Paul reserves all rights, to anything he pleases, not expressly granted. 2. DESCRIPTION OF OTHER RIGHTS (OR LACK THEREOF) AND (MORE) LIMITATIONS Personal Rights. Paul acknowledges that draconian blood-sucking EULAs are evil, so here are a few concessions: Paul graciously reinstates your right to eat breakfast one [1] time a day (not consisting of more than a maximum of two [2] slices of toast) and dinner one [1] time a day. Furthermore you have the right to take walks outside on a daily basis (limited to a duration of maximally twenty [20] minutes each), providing this is not a disturbance for the guards, overseers, babysitters, their immediate relatives, or pets (or fleas, mites, bacteria or other parasites thereof, including but not limited to symbiotic life forms, worms or flies). You are entitled to performing all acts of personal hygiene as you see fit, including but not limited to brushing your teeth or combing your hair. Paul grants no rights other than those expressly mentioned in this EULA, despite what other inmates may tell you about "mercy". Mercy is a word not found in our dictionary or vocabulary, and therefore doesn't exist. Don't expect it, and you won't be disappointed (because you surely aren't going to be pleasantly surprised). Five is four. Maintenance of Copyright Notices. You must not remove or alter any copyright notices on any copies of the WEBSITE. Failing to read and agree to this EULA every time you visit this page in the future will result in automatically presumed agreement and confiscation of any right you previously had, or presumed incorrectly to have. Limitations on Reverse Engineering, Decompilation and Disassembly. You may not reverse engineer, decompile, read the source code of, manipulate, edit, change, modify or otherwise disassemble the WEBSITE, except and only to the extent that such activity is expressly permitted by applicable law notwithstanding this limitation. If we find you doing this anyway, you will promptly be hung up by your fingernails and given ten [10] strokes with a whip. Separation of Components. The WEBSITE is licensed as a single WEBSITE. Its component parts, linked pages, graphics, comment lines, controls or any other part of the WEBSITE may not be separated for use on more than one computer or person at any one time by any more than one [1] or less than one [<1] whole person (Homo sapiens, chiefly composed of carbon-based organic molecules). Rental. You may not rent, lease or lend the WEBSITE, unless you fancy being tied behind a speeding truck, driving through rocky terrain. Performance or Benchmark Testing. You may not disclose the results of any benchmark test of the WEBSITE to any third party without Paul's prior written approval (which you won’t get). Come to think of it, you may not even benchmark the WEBSITE in the first place. Offenders will be turned over to the garbage collectors for recycling. Support Services. Paul may provide you with support services related to the WEBSITE ("Support Services"), if you buy him chocolates and he is in an exceptionally good mood. Use of Support Services is governed by Paul's policies and programs described in the user manual, in "online" documentation, and/or lack of Paul-provided materials. Any supplemental software code provided to you as part of the Support Services shall be considered part of the WEBSITE and subject to the terms and conditions of this EULA, and all amendments to said EULA, with or without your approval. With respect to technical information you provide to Paul as part of the Support Services, Paul will use such information for his business and personal purposes, including for WEBSITE support and development. Paul will also utilize such technical information in a form that personally identifies you. If possible, your information will be used against you. Do not be surprised if you receive tons of spam and lots of telemarketing calls. Software Transfer. You may not transfer this WEBSITE (as if you could, haha...). Termination. Your rights (only; not including mine) under this EULA terminate upon the termination of your connection to Paul's server. Without prejudice to any other rights, Paul may terminate this EULA if you fail to comply with the terms and conditions of this EULA, or Paul's unpredictable whims. In such event, you must destroy all your belongings and those of family members; failing to do so will result in confiscation of your soul. 3. COPYRIGHT All title, including but not limited to copyrights, in and to the WEBSITE and any copies thereof are owned by Paul or his suppliers. All title and intellectual property rights in and to the content which may be accessed through use of the WEBSITE is the property of the respective content owner and may be protected by applicable oppressive licenses or other intellectual property laws and treaties. This EULA grants you no rights to use such content. All rights not expressly granted are reserved by Paul (for the intellectually challenged, that means all of them). 4. NO WARRANTIES Paul expressly disclaims any warranty for the WEBSITE. THE WEBSITE AND ANY RELATED DOCUMENTATION IS PROVIDED "AS IS" WITHOUT WARRANTY OR CONDITION OF ANY KIND, EITHER EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING, WITHOUT LIMITATION, THE IMPLIED WARRANTIES OR CONDITIONS OF MERCHANTABILITY, FITNESS FOR A PARTICULAR PURPOSE, OR NONINFRINGEMENT. THE ENTIRE RISK THAT MAY ARISE OUT OF THE USE OF THE WEBSITE REMAINS WITH YOU. 5. LIMITATION OF LIABILITY In no event shall Paul, his family members, his equipment, his friends, his pets or any other relatives or suppliers be liable for any damages whatsoever (including, without limitation, damages through loss of business profits, business interruption, loss of business information, grievous bodily harm, such as burn, electric shock, drowning, dehydration, hallucination, possession of the soul, dry skin, crushing or any other hazard, loss of car keys or wallet or any other pecuniary loss) arising out of the use of or inability to use the WEBSITE, even if Paul has been advised of the possibility of such damages. Even though some states and jurisdictions do not allow the exclusion or limitation of liability for consequential or incidental damages, the above limitation applies to you anyway, because I say so. MISCELLANEOUS If you are accessing this WEBSITE from the Netherlands, this EULA is governed by the laws of the State of Utrecht. If you are accessing this WEBSITE from outside the Netherlands, then local law may apply. Should you have any questions concerning this EULA, or if you desire to contact Paul for any reason, please contact him at the following address: paul at denknerd dot org.